The Void Space

Do you ever feel like you are in the in between space? Where you have been feels old and out of sync and yet you don’t know where you want to go?  

Welcome to the liminal space, and if you are there, I want you to know that I too had an extended stay and I want to share with you how to navigate the great creative void.  

My stay in this “in between zone” resulted from a period of loss: I lost work contracts, a relationship, my zest and drive, and my vision for what to do next. I was flooded with an array of emotions from anger, grief, sadness, frustration to loneliness. I questioned my life, my decisions, and my capability. I had nothing but questions to be honest and yet the more those questions arose the deeper I sunk into the mud of my stuckness.  

I tried to motivate myself, to exercise it out, to try harder and eventually my exhausted self realized that I was simply treading water. I was unmotivated and annoyed at life and anyone that had something positive to say like “You always land on your feet” or “ Better things are on the horizon”. I also resented any thought of being grateful. You are getting the picture, I was not where I wanted to be and it didn’t seem like anything would work to get me out.  

After fighting reality, I decided to try a completely new approach.  

To allow and choose to be where I was, in the liminal space.  

I allowed myself to be where I was without so much resistance. I didn’t try to positively medicate myself because my emotions needed space to just be felt and experienced. The more I turned towards what I felt the more I could be in my body and my experience more fully instead of feeling like an outsider observing my state. I inadvertently realized that this is what trust and acceptance  felt like when I gave it to myself. I let Jill have the range of emotions she had instead of editing her to only have the range that I felt me and the people around me preferred. Like a giant wave, I allowed this time to break me down in whatever way that was wanting to happen. In my case it was my “flushing out all my knowings” until I could make peace that I did not know what was next, I had no ideas and I had no motivation to do anything but just be with myself waiting in all the discomfort and feel it all until something shifted.  

This is a huge distinction, feel it? It is one thing to think we “should know what to do and what is next” while experiencing the fact that we do not and another to fully admit and choose to be where we are in the place of not knowing with full acceptance. The latter allows you to arrive where you are in total transparency and in a one ness. It is so powerful. There is a rich embodied presence there if we can drop in. And in that presence, I found some peace. Not because I had a plan or figured out the why but because all of me was where I was and I didn’t leave myself there alone and fractured with some parts in the past some in the future and few parts here in the present.  

 So how did I cope and manage this highly agitating time?  

I lowered my expectations of myself. I didn’t force myself to do anything I did not have to do (and you must be honest with what is a must do and what is a should do). I didn’t try to make plans and take action when I knew it was coming from fear or avoidance of feeling unproductive and uninspired. You simply cannot design your next phase when in grief and depression. The results are very sub par so instead I made my life simple and focused on the basics.  

 The second thing that helped was doing whatever I could to support my body with activities and things that were nourishing and felt good (feed the senses). For me normally I would ramp up my exercise but this time around I honestly could not muster the energy for hard workouts so I took long walks in nature. I would normally prefer a more vigorous yoga and instead I did restorative yoga. I slept a lot. I started cooking myself really amazing meals and took care and time in the preparation, as if it were my “job”. I essentially took care of myself like I would a dear friend that was in pain. I tried to distinguish between numbing “feel good” and conscious feel good. The latter yields way more peace after my trialing both.  

The third tactic that really turned out to be a gift was reflection. I got honest with myself and my life. What was working? What was not working? I noticed where I felt I was losing energy and spinning my wheels. Where was I overly adapting myself or being a lesser version of myself for money or approval.  I looked at themes and messages that seemed to repeat. I was also ok with having questions and not answering them. I didn’t try to look forward as much as I tried to absorb whatever wisdom was bubbling up from my past. This time turned out to be illuminating because when we tell the truth what appears to be unrelated events and circumstances seem to connect and reveal deeper truths. I realized during my sabattical that my previous work contracts were not serving my current desires and revealed some behavioral patterns I very much want to clear. The same was true in my relationship. If these experiences had continued yes a part of me would have liked that because it was “comfortable” but the deeper, wiser part of me knew that I needed to make a change and I was just scared to do it.   When we slow down, we catch up with the evolving aspects of our wisdom body. 

So, if you find yourself in the inbetween void space, can you lean in with me? Try surrendering and honoring this profound time of re-stabilization and attuning. Decide to choose it as an opportunity to listen deeply and learn more about who you are in this moment and what you need. I promise that you won’t be there forever and the time spent in this zone when we allow it will prove to be the chrysalis for what is to come. Make your chrysalis homey and treat it as a sanctuary for the emerging you. The liminal space is not the most comfortable space but it is a space of unwinding, healing and restoration if you can say yes to it. If the deafening silence of your clarity evades you instead of looking outward, reach inward and be assured there is beauty even in the mud. The lotus agrees... 

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